I feel like 2010 started out with so many questions.
- How was this whole pregnancy going to work
- could we afford it?
- could we get the nursery finished?
- could we actually be PARENTS!?
- could I actually birth a baby?
- could our marriage take this?
I felt like my life was a little "up in the air". I mean, I loved it, I was soooooo busy (joining the Junior League, 9 weddings!, and the paperwork and mental exhaustion that comes with my job). I just didn't think it was all going to work out. Or at least I couldn't fathom it yet. I mean, when they actually put the baby on my belly, I remember that I had kind of forgotten that there was this little person coming out! Maybe it was my pain induced state.
I must say, looking back, I loved being pregnant. I did not love the uncomfortable feeling AT ALL, but I loved having Baby Jenks with me all day long and I loved all the love I was getting. People were soooo supportive and loving to me and baby Jenks while I was pregnant. I was so blessed. I really do miss that time. Crazy, I know.
I also miss the first few weeks with Isla June. I remember being totally overwhelmed when I was first left alone with her when she was a week and a half old. Utter fear and loneliness. Jer was at work and all of the relatives were gone. The hubbub and excitement in the house was over and it was so quiet. It's not that I thought something terrible was going to happen, I just wasn't ready to alone with this baby yet! Again, crazy, I know. But, I wish I would have enjoyed it more and not worried about schedules, sleeping, eating, pooping, etc. and just enjoyed my baby. Rocked her more, held her more, smelled that sweet baby smell. You truly can't spoil and infant and I wish I would have tried to.
But, I must say, this year, not being my most fabulous and exciting year (Rest in Peace, Fun Meagan), was probably the most poignant year of my life. I mean, I created another human being, and a pretty amazing one at that. I know, I know, people do it everyday. But, it was the first time for me. And I was, and continue to be, amazed. I truly don't know how people refute that there is a God if they have gone through childbirth. It truly is a miracle.
I am thankful everyday to be Isla June's mother and Jeremy's wife. I am truly a very, very blessed lady.
So, as it is the New Year and I upheld my blogging resolutions last year, here's what I am choosing to tackle in 2011.
1) Be more organized!- Life with a baby throws a while wrench in your plans. Everything takes twice as long (if it works out at all). Plus, my mind is always drifting away to baby. I am a master To Do list creator, but now I even struggle to make a decent list. I must get better with this. I am a total Type A personality where I feel better about myself when my life is in order. Has to be a Libra thing.
2) Go to the gym at least once a week- I know that this is a small marker for success, but as I am a Type A person, I tend to really beat myself up if I don't master everything (see goal #3). So, I'm saying at least once, more is better, but were taking baby steps here people.
3) Stop beating myself up!- again, Type A, overworked new mother, can't get it all done, be everything to everybody. Gotta let it go. I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I can. (really, I am.)
4) Grow this little blog.- This might be reaching, but I have really enjoyed the blog. If only for the documentation purposes. But, I hope that there are a few of you out there who are enjoying this too. I've always loved writing (well, not loved, but enjoyed when given the time.), and this has been a great outlet for my thoughts, ideas, opinions, beliefs, excitements, etc. So, if one day someone wanted to sponsor said blog, I would not be opposed. But, first, I'm going to work on having more than 5 people a day read this thing (ok, it's really more like 25, but maybe my mom is reading it 20x a day). So, tell your friends, family and neighbors about my little ramblings here and go ahead and sign up to follow along. It's ok, even if I don't know you, I might want to.
So, that's my musings on the new year, and new me. Well, not so new of a me as I refuse to change my hairstyle. Maybe I'll try a new lipstick color.....or start wearing lipstick.....who knows. Here's to a wonderful, prosperous, love filled, adventurous, blessed 2011!