Monday, February 13, 2012

T-I-M-E

Like every mother, I constantly struggle with finding time.  Time to get it all done.
When I was a working mother, I really struggled with it, and my way of coping was to just keep moving.  And be extremely obsessive, and insist everything be perfect. 
It almost killed me. 
One of the things I was most excited about with the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, was all the time I was going to have.  I had grand schemes of finally having enough time to do and become all the things I wanted to be: the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the most caring friend, a kick butt runner, etc. etc.  I was going to do it all, because I would finally have time for it.
Well, after the adjustment period (because there is one), I realized that I wasn't suddenly getting more hours tacked onto my day, it was the same 24 hour period I've always had, and not everything fits into that time.

So, I had to come to terms with a lot of other things. 
One of my main goals this year was to send everyone I knew and loved a birthday card.  I just knew that this would be fulfilling to me and now I would have the TIME to do it.  But I quickly realized that running into the store for a quick second to grab a quick card (like I did whilst on my way home from work) was no longer an option.  It now became, load us up in the car, don't forget a drink and a snack, possibly two snacks because you never know when a meltdown will ensue and you better have the right arsenal on hand, oh, did you remember a change of clothes because there might be an explosion, drive to the store, unload everything while trying to hold a squirmy baby who insists on pushing the cart and not actually riding in it, no, we don't need everything they sell on the bottom two shelves, but thanks for trying to help, will you please just ride in the damn cart, what did we come into the store for anyways? kind of trips.
Things aren't quick anymore.  Everything has to be planned and orchestrated (better make sure baby is clean, fed and well rested). 
 A lot of this, I think, comes with mothering a toddler.  She's no longer very portable.   She's independent and opinionated, and inquisitive.
But, back to the whole time thing.  Whether working or at home, my time is still consumed.  The house doesn't always get cleaned (like i want it to be), and I don't always get to catch up with my friends and family (like I used to on my commute home), and I certainly don't get a lot of extra time to take care of myself (I can't remember the last time I took a relaxing bath). 
But, I have found time for one area of my life that really needed it, though.  And that's Isla June.  Everyday, every minute with her is a blessing.  And if she's the only thing getting more of my time, well, that's success for me.

Not sure that this picture has anything to do with this post. 
Except that now I have time to drive around and look for Beyonce.  Yeah, let's just say that.

2 comments:

  1. Great insightful post! I always thought I would have a clean house too if I had more time. And I can totally relate to avoiding "jrunning into a store." Yeah...nothing is quick with a toddler :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kim! I think I idealized the life of a SAHM so much that I envisioned everything being perfect. When really, nothing is perfect, you just have to enjoy it as it is. Crazy store trips and all!

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